you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
