I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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