im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
