Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
