The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
