It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
