everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
