dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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