Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
