you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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