My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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