Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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