dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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