She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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