There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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