apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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