Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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