My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The beer is more important than you right now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
