Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You are the jesus of drinking
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
