I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
