What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
