Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
