I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
