Its about making memories worth repressing
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
