nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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