this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
