I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
