I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
