M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
