brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
