3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
