Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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