I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
