There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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