my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
