my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
