just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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