The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
