Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
