I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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