No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
