More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
