Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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