next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
