maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
