Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
