someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
