I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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