My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
