We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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