it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
