Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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