You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
