Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
