It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
