i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
