the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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