I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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