I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
