just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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