my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
