remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
