last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
