Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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