You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
