There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
